What I Wish I Knew BEFORE I had Cancer

     I thought cancer happened to people who made unhealthy life style decisions (like smoking), or had unfortunate environmental exposure through a toxic waste dump in their neighborhood or even who had a family history.  But did you know that one in two men and one in three woman will be diagnosed with cancer?  And, it's not just cancer.  There are dramatic rises in autism, adhd, fertility issues, asthma, auto-immune diseases, and allergies.
    I thought cancer wouldn't happen to me.  I exercise, eat fairly well, and have regular screenings.  I smoked for all of one month in high school. My alcohol intake amounts to maybe five glasses of wine a YEAR.  I live in the 'burbs, think white picket fences and farms in my town.
     I may never know what caused my cancer, but I now suspect that a tipping point was reached.
     I am appalled at what I have recently learned.  I trusted the government to regulate and make companies put safe products on the supermarket shelves.  We live in a country that has rules and regulations for everything.  Boy, was I wrong.  The shampoos, baby lotion, sunscreen, and soaps that I trusted and used on my family contained known carcinogens.  And I bet that YOURS DO, TOO.
     The last time Congress passed a law on cosmetics safety was in 1938.  Since then, we’ve learned a lot from the scientific community about the harmful impacts of ingredients commonly used in the cosmetics industry.   Meanwhile, other countries have taken significant steps to protect their residents from toxic chemicals in consumer products. The European Union, for example, has restricted over 1,400 cosmetics ingredients, whereas the United States has only taken action on 11.  Yes, that is eleven!

     Johnson's Baby Shampoo is one example of a product that we all recognize.  Every mother can identify its scent. I have always thought that there are few things better than holding a freshly bathed baby in your arms and inhaling the fresh clean aroma of baby shampoo from their sweet little scalps.  Fifty plus years ago, my mother used it on my brothers and I.  When I had children, I tenderly washed them with it.  The "Pure and Gentle" wash contained formaldehyde, a known carcinogen.  The company is now making a positive move by phasing formaldehyde out of it's formula, claiming that the amount was so small, it didn't really matter.
     Except that it DOES matter.  My exposure to toxic chemicals started with baby shampoo and then continued with most of the other shampoos, soaps, deodorants, detergents, cosmetics, and cleaning products I have been using since.
     Remember, cosmetic and personal care companies can't use over 1,400 toxic ingredients in Europe.  So the companies make multiple formulas of the same shampoo.  The safer formula for other countries, and the one containing known and probable carcinogens for the US.  The personal care industry does know better.  I can only guess that it must be more profitable for them.
    We can't avoid some exposure to toxins, but we can lower our level of exposure.
    We can and must make healthier choices for our families.
    Start here:

1. Get the Environmental Working Groups Skin Deep FREE app on your phone.  They have put the power of information in your hands. When you know what’s in the products you bring into your home and how those chemicals may affect your health and the environment, you can make informed purchasing decisions.  Simply scan the barcode of the product into your phone and get ratings for healh concerns:  cancer, developmental/reprotoxicity and allergens.    It's quick and easy.  I put it on my phone and began scanning all the products in our bathrooms.  I was unpleasantly suprised.  Why buy a product with carcinogens when there is a healthy alternative available at a similar price?
2. Be informed.  A great place to start is by reading Little Changes:  Tales of A Reluctant  Home Eco-nomics Pioneer, by Kristi Marsh.   An amazing book.  You can read my review here.  I do have an affiliate link for this book on my sidebar, however, I was not asked or paid to review it and the opinions expressed are my own. 

     Over the next few weeks, I will be sharing about the changes I am making in my home to reduce the levels of toxins my family is exposed to.  Have you made any changes to protect your family?  What are you doing differently?  Let me know in the comments below.

I Wear Pink

     I almost didn't make the appointment that saved my life.  The mammogram that detected my cancer was exactly one year and one day from my previous one.  Ladies, please do not neglect your yearly mammograms.  You can read more about my journey through breast cancer here.

 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

 but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Five Years Ago

     For most survivors and family members, cancer is a life-changing event.  Our family is no exception.  The surgery to remove the cancer from my left breast was five years ago today.  Other people would be going to parades, drinking green beer, and eating corned beef and cabbage with Irish soda bread.  Ahhh, the luck of the Irish.  On that morning, I reported to the Cancer Center conveniently attached to the hospital.
     My cancer was discovered by a routine yearly mammogram.  If you haven't made your appointment, please do so now.  My yearly mammogram saved my life.
     You can read about my journey on my I Wear Pink page.

     To mark this day, I am re-posting something I wrote a few years ago, edited only by the number of years..


Dear Breast Cancer,
     You were an unwelcome guest.  I didn’t even know that you were there, growing, changing, threatening.   My first hint of your existence an ominous walnut shaped spot where no spot should be.
     I recall when I learned your ugly secret, the way my heart skipped a beat, and my stomach clenched.  The way my eyes filled and puddled over in fear and shock.  I never thought you would come to me.
    You crept silently into my left breast.  Don’t you know that my infants nursed at that very breast?  I held my babies in my left arm,  their little heads pillowed against my breast, echoing its soft curves.  They could hear my heart beat, thump-thump, thump-thump.  You would have extinguished that forever.
     You stole something from me.  You are always on my mind.  I wish that I could forget you.
     You changed my life.  You showed me that I am more delicate than I know.  You labeled me as sick, different, damaged.
    You touched my children.  They were frightened that they would have to grow up and grow old without a mother.  You took part of their childhood away.  They should not have had to deal with adult worries.  You would have silenced my voice in their future.
     You touched my marriage.  I am no longer the smooth skinned bride that my husband touched with joy.  You marked me.  My scars reflect my determination to be rid of you.
    Breast Cancer, I can not believe that it has been five years since we were introduced.  Some days it seems as if it were just yesterday.  And then there are times when I feel that I have known you forever.
     Breast Cancer, I would not have chosen you, but, I have learned these things from our dance together.
    You do not define me.  I am who I always have been, but more so.
     I am not alone.  My friends stood beside me with home baked meals and encouragement.  More friends then I knew I had.  They were the tangible hands and feet of Jesus to me.
     You have given me sisters who have fought the same battle.  I want to serve as an encouragement for them.
     Our family was strengthened by your visit.  They covered me with love and prayers.  Crayoned cards and gentle kisses.  Quiet times and boisterous parties with enough squabbles and mess to let me know that I am needed and wanted.  Our family works harder to be there for each other then before you reared your ugliness.
     I have learned to love unconditionally, to forgive completely,  to live in hope, and to enjoy every moment I've been given.
      My marriage is sweeter.  My husband touches me with new found joy and appreciation.  We whisper our love quietly heads together and argue loudly about nothing of consequence.  We defer to each other and support each other.  My husband is my treasure.

      Breast Cancer, I did not fight you like a girl, I fought you as a Warrior.  The battle for me was already won on Calvary’s cross.  I know that God loves me.  I have seen His goodness in the land of the living.
     Breast Cancer, you forcefully pointed out that narrow gate through which we all must pass.  But I have learned this, the One who has led me all my life will not desert me. When the time comes for me to pass through the narrow gate,  it will be just wide enough for me and my Savior together.
Sincerely,

Four Year Cancer Survival

To keep me from being conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  ~ 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

    Paul shares that he was given a thorn in his flesh.  We don’t know what Paul’s thorn actually was, but we do know that he wanted to be rid of it desperately.  Perhaps the thorn was not identified specifically so that each of us could relate to his battle.
          Paul wrestled with God about his undisclosed thorn.  He prayed three times for it to be removed.  Finally, God answered, but it was probably not exactly what Paul wanted to hear.  God said, “No.”  Well actually what He said was, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  God did not remove the thorn.  He gave Paul grace to live with the thorn.
     All of us have thorns in our lives.  A thorn is an area where we feel most vulnerable or defeated.  Our thorns could be depression, an irritating neighbor, difficulty at work, a bully at school, or a cancer diagnosis.
     As Christians we sometimes think that if we pray hard enough, if we are obedient enough, if we trust enough, or are somehow good enough that we will be spared the painful thorns in life.  The Bible doesn’t say that.  Nobody gets a pass from difficulty in life.
    It has been four years since I received a phone call in my classroom.  Four years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Four years since my life was forever changed.  Now, I am a cancer survivor.  Cancer free.  I know that I am not the only one that has been touched by the terrible thorn of cancer, but I believe that survival is to be celebrated.  To read more about my journey through breast cancer read my series I Wear Pink.
    I remember standing in church four years ago singing the song Indescribable and thinking surely the God who placed the stars in the sky and calls them by name could have told the lightening bolt of cancer not to hit me.  Not that I wanted it to hit anyone else, but God had allowed it to touch my life.  He could have prevented it.  He could have removed it before it was even found.  He could have.  But He didn't.   Was there pain?  Yes.  Did I wrestle with God?  Yes.  Did He make it better?  Eventually.  I learned that I could trust Him to be with me in the fire of my battles.  You see, the things that were true about God before cancer were the same things that were true when I had cancer.

• · We are more than conquerors through him that loved us and gave himself for us.
• · Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world.
• · I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

     The One who has led me all of my life, walked with me through the fire of cancer, and from each day since.  He is indescribable and amazing.  
     So as we feel the thorny ache in our side, consider the One who suffered more than just a piercing of His side for us.  Remember that His power is made perfect in weakness.

The Light That Shines

     Jill Bzreznski-Conley was diagnosed with breast cancer one day before her 32nd birthday, a mere six months after she married the man of her dreams.  After two short years of remission, her cancer has spread to her bones and is stage four, terminal.  How my heart breaks for this beautiful young woman and her husband.
     Jill was invited to Paris by photographer Jill Bryce to tell her story and to encourage women to go for early detection screenings.  Jill Bryce says of this amazing video, "This is not a story about cancer.  This is a story about love, and it's a story for all."
      Jill twirled in pale pink tulle in front of the Eiffel Tower at dawn, she laughed in the Louvre, paid tribute to her husband on the Bridge of Love, and bravely shared her scars.
     Go here to watch the touching documentary.  Go here to see the photographs.

One of Sue Bryce's beautiful captures from Jill's Paris photo shoot.

     I shared my journey through breast cancer in my 31 Day Series: I Wear Pink.  

     We have a Savior who comes to us with nail scared hands to be with us with whatever scars we bear, with whatever wounds we carry, and whatever doubts we harbor.  We are engraved on His hands and by His stripes we are healed.

Best of 2012: September - December

     It is fun to look back at some of my favorite memories from the past year.  I am looking forward to what God has in store for me in the new year.
September:
     The Grace Building in New York City has long been a favorite of mine.  Read this post about Mayor Laguardia and his example of grace to a desperate woman.

     During the month of September Compassion International asked that bloggers unite to reach out for sponsors for children in poverty.  Letters to God was written in response to one of their prompts to encourage us to give from our abundance.

October:

     For the month of October I blogged about my journey through breast cancer.  In January 2009 my New Year’s resolution was fairly simple.  It was “Make room.”  Make room for Jesus in my heart, my marriage, with my family and friends, in my home and in my job.  I had vague thoughts about cleaning up the house and organizing myself better.  Instead God answered my prayers with a diagnosis of breast cancer on February 18.  I discovered as I sat in doctor’s offices, went for treatments, and even took naps that some things weren’t as important as I had previously thought they were.  I was also reminded that the really important things, aren’t things - they are the people God has given us to love.  Shipwrecked was the most read post of the month.  The series was called "I Wear Pink."  The entire series can be found as a page at the top.  

November:

     Storms tells us that Jesus meets us where we are.  It relates how Jesus walked on water to the storm tossed disciples.

     Welcome to Hogwarts!  Connor received a letter welcoming him to Hogwarts for his eleventh birthday.  Connor has been a huge fan of the Harry Potter series since second grade.  It made his day to receive the letter by owl post.

December:

     Have You Any Room For Jesus?   I saw Jesus sitting on the side of the road one afternoon on my way to do some errands.  

     What was you favorite post on your blog?  List it in the comments.

One Year Blogaversary

     One year ago today I began the Holimess  blog.   It has been a wonderful year.  When I put my first post up. I really wasn't sure there would be a second.  I just prayed that God would use this little blog as He saw fit.  Holimess is a Christian blog.  There are occasional recipes, craft projects, and children's stories, but for the most part, Holimess is about seeing God in the midst of our ordinary, everyday lives.  I wasn't sure that was the direction I would go, after all the big popular blogs are lifestyle-design-decorator type blogs, but I am beginning to recognize that He is what I write about.
     Here is an assortment of posts that stand out for me from this year.

     Opus 40, a post about Fall Camping with my family was my very first post.

     One of my favorite posts was I Believe.  That post was based on a quote by Audrey Hepburn.  "I believe in pink.  I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner...."

     Another one of my favorite posts is Return to Me which features my Dad.

     My most read post is Enchanted: Milk Glass Snack Plates.  I purchased these beautiful milk glass plates at our local Good Will.

     During the month of September, I blogged about Compassion International.

     I Wear Pink was a thirty one day series in October on my journey with Breast Cancer linked up at the Nesting Place.  I am a three year survivor.

     I'm looking forward to see where Holimess goes this year.

     Thank you my friends for making this year so special for me.  You are amazing and I am so grateful to have met you.

Last Thoughts

      If you are just stopping in, this is the thirtieth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 30:  

     Cancer is a word, not a sentence.  ~John Diamond

     On February 18, 2013, it will be four years since I heard the words, "You have invasive ductile carcinoma... surgery, chemo, radiation."  Four years since my life was forever changed.  I no longer have cancer.  I am a cancer survivor.  Our lives have moved on.  We are busy with usual family things. 

      Unless I happen to be wearing a breast cancer bracelet, pin, hat, or other clothing article that shows that I am a member of the cancer club - a casual acquaintance wouldn't know.  In fact, Cynthia, the colleague and parent of a child at my school that I had met in the waiting room of the women's center on the day of the mammogram that saved my life, had no idea.  We happened to meet at the nurse's office at my school.  She was there to pick up her son.  Cynthia shared with me how embarrassed she  had been that she had was wearing the exam doily when I arrived in the waiting room.  I assured her that I was similarly humiliatingly attired just moments later.  Cynthia went on to say how frightened she was each time she went in for her yearly mammogram.  She was always afraid that they would find cancer.  It never occurred to her that they had found it in me.
     The road has not always been smooth.  Two years after my diagnosis, I had an odd full feeling in my beleaguered breast.  Another biopsy was called for.  In the week between the ordering of the biopsy and the actual biopsy, I began to put things in my life on hold.  I didn't want to commit to anything for fear that I would be back in the dance with cancer again. Fortunately, the area of concern was a small fluid filled cyst.  It has since gone away.
     I have noticed people complaining about the pink washing of the month of October.  My feeling is any money raised for breast cancer awareness and research is money raised.  Every dollar counts.  I do buy pens and other small items with a pink ribbon on them.  I feel a sense of connection when I see others who have a pink ribbon.  I love to see survivors.  They signify hope for me and many others.
     I have seen posts of concern that mammograms cause cancer or over diagnosis.  Mammograms save lives.  A mammogram saved mine.   I am here today because a mammogram found a cancer that no one could have felt in conventional exams before it spread.  Even the doctors who knew it was there, could not find it.  My lifetime chance of having cancer was considered low.  I did not have any risk factors.  I am appreciative that the radiologist made "a good call."  He knew cancer when he saw it.  I am also appreciative of the tech who made sure that she got as much of an image as she could on the mammogram.  My tumor was tucked in against my chest wall.  It could so easily have been missed in imaging.

Source

     Cancer is no respecter of persons.  It strikes the old and the young.  The average age of diagnosis is 61.  I frequently heard that I was young, 50 at that time, but I met women who were much younger than I.  There were girls in their twenties and thirties who had breast cancer.  They should have been planning education, jobs, weddings, and children, instead of chemo and radiation appointments.  You are never too young for cancer.  If you feel a lump, get it checked.

     I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  ~Psalm 27:13

     I met my Savior at the age of twenty.  He has carried me through many situations, good and bad over the years.  In cancer, I saw the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Through it all I felt the prayers offered in my name.  I felt the touch of my Father.  He walked with me through the fire of cancer and He will walk with me the rest of my days.
    My husband is an amazing man.  I love him.  He has been a source of comfort and strength.  I appreciate him.
     Tomorrow, is the last post in the 31 Day Series.  It is a letter to breast cancer.  It may be the final post in the series, but it will not be the last time I post about cancer.
    Blessings,

It's Personal

      If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty ninth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 29:  It's Personal

     Writing about my journey with breast cancer has been more difficult than I had thought it would be. It's not that a person forgets the overwhelming feelings, but the distance of a few years calms them somewhat.  There are some things that I have considered whether to include or not because they are not easy to say.  Most people were supportive, prayerful, and considerate.  There were however, a few things that were said to me, that were said thoughtlessly or out of curiosity, but without consideration. 

       A person with cancer needs support, comfort, and sometimes a shoulder to cry on.  We don't need to be told that someone's sisters-cousins-neighbors-mother has it worse.  There is always someone who has it worse.  Always.  In almost every life situation, there will be someone who is worse off then you.  But to hear this when you are going to radiation treatments every day for six weeks, does not help you to feel better.  In fact, then you feel even worse about complaining about being burnt, or tired, or sad.  Breast cancer is a life threatening disease.  Cancer is hard.
     A dear older lady, and by older I mean older than me, informed me that she knew exactly what I was going through, because two of her husbands' sisters died of breast cancer.  Then she went on to say that at least I knew how I was going to die.  Ouch!  I thought I was making a plan for living.
     More than one person shared with me that if they had cancer, they would just let it take its course and not do anything too extreme like chemo or radiation.  Really?  It's easy to say what you might do when you do not have cancer.  I pray that they never have to make a choice between such extreme measures or dying.  People with cancer make the best decisions they can and then live with the results.  Radiation and chemo do have risks, but they have helped many people to survive that would not be here now.
     There were people who said, "I couldn't handle having cancer."  Well, I didn't really have a choice.  You don't always get problems that you can handle.  But I can assure you that God does walk with you through them and give you friends to help carry the load.
     Then there were the, "I can't wait to see how God uses this" crowd.   God can teach others a lesson without giving me cancer.  We live in a fallen world.  Cancer is part of that.
     When a person gets breast cancer, people are curious.  Believe me, my breasts had never caused such a sensation my whole life - until I had cancer.  Then the girls became kind of public property.  There was no question too personal in people's quests to satisfy their curiosity.  They wonder if they can tell by looking which side the cancer was on.  (There are more breast cancers on the left side than the right.)  They wondered if I had "only" a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, or breast reconstruction.  I had a lumpectomy.  A wise nurse shared with me.  "It's not 'only' a lumpectomy.  Lumpectomy is a comfort word.  You had a partial mastectomy."
     Scars - Yup, I have them.  I have seen worse.  I have seen better.  I can live with mine.  If you are really curious, google breast cancer survivor images.  You will see beautiful women sharing their scars.  I am not one of them, but I applaud their bravery.
     I did not ask you about your sex life.  Don't ask me about mine.  My husband and I appreciate each other, thank you.
     What a person with breast cancer wants to hear is that you'll be there for her and her family.  You'll be there in good times and bad.  That you'll help her get through it.  That you will be there to celebrate the good days and that you'll be with her when she's discouraged and in pain.  Unless you have had breast cancer, you don't really know how she feels, don't tell her you do.  It is okay not to say anything at all.  Instead offer the comfort of your presence, a hug, or a shoulder to lean on.  Listen.  Listen to her feelings, her doubts, and her fears.
     Finally, don't forget the husband in all of this.  He is worried and scared.  He is being a caregiver and a comforter.  When a family member has cancer, the family is living with it, too.  Cancer is hard on everyone.  All of the things that I suggested for the person with cancer apply for their family, too.  They also need love and support.

 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.  ~ Psalm 19:14

Gifts

      If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty eighth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 28:  Gifts

      I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.  Now more than three years later I am cancer free.   I take medication daily and an IV medication every six months.  Life is sweet and I am so grateful for the life I have been given.

     I wanted to express my thankfulness to God for taking me through that fire with an action involving Compassion International.  My husband and I talked about what we could do.  We discovered our answer right at our feet.  Literally.      

     Our chickens were gathered about eating spaghetti.  The girls love spaghetti.  You can read about our girls here.  We decided that we would purchase chickens for families through Compassion.

      Chickens give children and families a lasting source of nutrition and income. Fresh eggs raise the levels of protein and other nutrients in a family’s diet, and the sale of extra eggs and chickens can pay for vital basics.

     We managed to gift eight chickens.  Compassion International just put out their new Gift Catalog and chickens are no longer in it!   Instead, we will make a contribution on the 18th to help a malnourished child survive through emergency feeding.  Many children living in extreme poverty do not know where their next meal will come from.  In this way we can continue to express our thanks to God.

Source

     I appreciate the gift that I have been given.  How do you show your appreciation to God?

I Will Survive!

      If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty seventh post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 27:  I Will Survive

     Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive at a Breast Cancer Survivor Dance Tribute.  It's all here, tears and joy, sparkles and pink, feather boas and disco balls on hats, 100 survivors and pink wigs.  Great fun to watch!  Keep dancing!

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid.

 Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

and to seek him in his temple.

 For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me

in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

 Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the Lord.  ~ Psalm 27:1-6

Indescribable

     If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty sixth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 26:

To keep me from being conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  ~ 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

    Paul shares in Second Corinthians that he was given a thorn in his flesh.  We don’t know what his thorn actually was, but we do know that he wanted to be rid of it desperately.  Perhaps the thorn was not identified specifically so that each of us could relate to Paul’s battle.  

     All of us have thorns in our lives.  A thorn is an area where we feel most vulnerable or defeated.  Our thorns could be depression, an irritating neighbor, a boundary-less relative, splitting headaches, or like me a diagnosis of cancer.

          Paul wrestled with God on this issue.  He prayed three times for his thorn to be removed.  Finally, God answered, but it was probably not exactly what Paul wanted to hear.  God said, “No.”  Well actually what He said was, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  God did not remove the thorn.  He gave Paul grace to live with the thorn.

     As Christians we sometimes think that if we pray hard enough, if we are obedient enough, if we trust enough, or are somehow good enough that we will be spared the painful thorns in life.  The Bible doesn’t say that.  Nobody gets a pass from difficulty in life.

    I remember standing in church singing the song Indescribable and thinking surely the God who placed the stars in the sky and calls them by name could have told the lightening bolt of cancer not to hit me.  Not that I wanted it to hit anyone else, but God had allowed it to touch my life.  He could have prevented it.  He could have removed it before it was even found.  He could have.  But He didn't.   Was there pain?  Yes.  Did I wrestle with God?  Yes.  Did He make it all better?  Eventually.  I learned that I could trust Him to be with me in the fire of my battles.  You see, the things that were true about God before cancer were the same things that were true when I had cancer.

· We are more than conquerors through him that loved us and gave himself for us.
· Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world.
· I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
· And they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.

     The One who has led me all of my life, walked with me through the fire of cancer, and from each day since.  He is indescribable and amazing.   

     So as we feel the thorny ache in our side, consider the One who suffered more than just a piercing of His side for us.  Remember that His power is made perfect in weakness.  

Scars

     If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty fifth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 25:  Scars

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.  ~2 Corinthians 12:10

     My mother in law and I belong to a local book club.  We share a love of books and enjoy discussing them with others.  Last year our club read the book, Little Bee by Chris Cleave.

     It is a tale of sacrifice and loss, betrayal and friendship, love and apathy.  The main character is a young Nigerian girl who calls herself Little Bee.  At one point in the book Little Bee shared this thought that really resonated with me as a cancer survivor.

"I ask you to agree with me that a scar is never ugly.  That is what the scar makers want us to think.  But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them.  We must see all scars as beauty.  Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying.  A scar means I survived."  

     Breast cancer has left me with an impressive scar.  Although the tumor was small, my scar stretches from under my underarm out.  I also have a smaller almost unnoticeable scar from the lymph node biopsy.  A portion of my breast is missing, from about 3:30 to 5:30.  It is not obvious when I am clothed that I have scars from my battle.  

     Life hands out damaging blows to people of all ages and backgrounds.  None of us get through life without pain.  We all have scars.  Admittedly some are more visible that others.  Scars are not a sign of weakness.  They are a sign of survival.

  Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
   But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
   A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”      Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
   Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”  ~John 20:24-31

     The risen Christ showed his friends the scars that His life, His suffering, and His death inflicted on Him.  Those scars remind us that Jesus felt pain, just as we feel pain.  The scars of Jesus became part of the evidence for the reality of the resurrection.  His scars were not obliterated.  They remained.  A scar doesn't form on the dead.  It forms on the living.  He continues to carry the scars.  He has allowed us to be engraved on His hands.

     We walk with a Savior who comes, scarred, to be with us with whatever scars we bear, with whatever wounds we carry, and with whatever doubts we harbor.  Scarred hands reaching out to scarred lives.

Surely, he has borne our infirmities, and carried our diseases;
yet we accounted him stricken,
struck down by God,
and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions,
crushed for our iniquities
Upon him was the punishment that made us whole,
And by his stripes we are healed. ~Isaiah 53:4-6 

Making Strides

        If you are just stopping in, this is the twenty fourth post in my 31 Day Series:  I Wear Pink.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer on February 18, 2009.   This series is about my journey with breast cancer.  You can find the previous posts here.

Day 24:  Making Strides

     The journey to end breast cancer begins with a single step.  On Sunday, Patty and I joined more than 7,500 walkers with Making Strides for Breast Cancer at Woodbury Commons, NY sponsored by the American Cancer Society.

          I get tears in my eyes whenever I walk at one of these events.  It is an emotional and inspiring experience.  Pink is everywhere.

     Men, women, children, and pets, everyone walking united in purpose.  

Everyone caring about making the future a brighter place.

The newly diagnosed and the survivors.  Both beautiful.

 Walking in honor of friends and family.

Hoping to see a world with less breast cancer and more birthdays.

Is it just me, or do our glasses match?

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

 but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31